I dated tom hanks

For about a year, Tom Hanks was my boyfriend. Here’s what happened….

I was invited to a bridal shower. 

If you’ve ever been to a bridal shower you know, they play the games. The terrible games. Bridal bingo, couples trivia, what’s in your purse. If the bride likes to get real crazy (or drinks a little), the toilet paper wedding dress game. 

At this party, we were playing a scratch off card game. Each card had a man’s body in a suit and then the head was covered in the scratch off stuff. When you scratched the card, you could see the face underneath. One card had the groom’s face, and if you scratched that card you were the winner. The rest of the cards showed faces of celebrities. 

People were throwing the cards away, but I took a bunch home. 

I'm a teacher. And if you have any teacher friends, then you know we are all a little crazy. Smart, creative, generous, yes. But genuinely insane. So it was not at all weird when I cut out the silhouettes of the celebrities, and I hid them in my colleagues’ classrooms at school.

Mrs. Painter, teacher across the hall, got Prince Harry and loved it. Mrs. Parker, my teacher bestie, told me I me was an idiot and threw Brad Pitt away.

And I kept Tom Hanks. 

I love Tom Hanks. Always have loved Tom Hanks. Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve got Mail. A League of Their Own. These are amazing films that, as a 90’s kid, helped shape my understanding of the world around me.

They also encourage debilitating codependency.

So I put Tom in the corner of the window of my classroom door, and wondered if anyone would notice. I have lots of stuff like that around the classroom. Overlooked easter eggs, that bring me joy. I have a sticker posted on a bookshelf for the Call and Oates hotline, it’s a phone number that plays Hall and Oates songs when you call. No one has ever commented on that, and no one mentioned Tom either.

A few weeks later, I was coming back from lunch with my seventh grade students, and the key wouldn’t work to get into the room. While I was struggling to get it open, my ADHD brain had me point at Tom Hanks in the window and say to the student at the front of the line these three words: That’s my boyfriend.  

As a teacher I say random, stupid things all day and every day. Witty puns, movie quotes, stuff about books and grammar and, like, the curriculum or whatever. Nothing important. It usually goes unnoticed and completely ignored. I’m basically a ghost. But when I said the word boyfriend, they all heard me. The commotion spread quickly down the single file line of children. 

I figured they would see the picture, immediately know I was kidding, roll their eyes, and move on. Because he’s famous and because it printed on cardstock and cut out by hand. But they took me seriously. Or they were at least curious. 

Either way, they were not impressed. Seventh graders are mean and horrible creatures. Instead of the groans I expected in response to my bad joke, I heard, “Seriously Ms. Pearl, that guy?” Others told me he was old and gross. One girl just looked at me and said, “No.” And my favorite was a kid who said he looked like a bulldog, but I think that says a little more about the kid than Tom’s looks or age.

While they were bullying me, and Tom, I realized something. They didn’t know him. Not one kid recognized him. I mean he has won Academy Awards, Golden Globes, Oscars, Emmys, the Presidential Medal of Freedom. But they didn’t know him, and this, to me, was pure gold.  

Immediately, it became my new passion project. I needed to see how long I could keep this going. I talked about my boyfriend, Tom, every day in class. I spread the word to the other teachers, so they could help. They would talk about him with me in the halls, just loud enough for the students to overhear. Soon kids started to ask, “Is Ms Pearl really dating that guy?” And the answer was always a resounding, yes. Of course I was.

It was official. I was in a relationship. With the guy from the door. Some guy named Tom. 

After a few weeks, a movement had begun. The goofy kids would wave at his picture as they walked past. I would hear “Hey, Tom,” followed by giggles as they came in the room. He even started showing up in the short stories the students were writing and in their projects. They loved it. And so did I.

On Veterans Day, the social studies classes were given a required video to show to their classes. Mrs. Parker, the social studies teacher and my teacher bestie, came frantically running up to me to tell me there was a problem. The real Tom Hanks was in the video. It was going to ruin the game. But she had an idea. She told the students very seriously, “Before I show this video, we need to talk. I don’t want you to be confused when you see him, but Ms. Pearl’s boyfriend is in the video. Ms. Pearl didn’t want you to know, but he is famous. He is Tom Hanks.”

Sadly, some kids stopped believing in Tom and I that day. Others became suspicious of our love. Of course, I maintained this was all very legitimate. I had been dating a movie star, and now they all knew it.

The not so secret secret is, they really never believed at all. But children want magic more than we know. More than they know. 

We all want magic. 

So we all kept playing along.

At that point, the stories became more fantastical. When the kids asked what I was doing after school, I would say Tom was going to pick me up in a helicopter on the roof of the school later that night. If they told me I looked tired, I would say Tom and I got back late from eating pizza in Italy the night before. They would say it couldn’t be true. It was a fun game to try and prove I was lying. Some of the smarter kids started googling him to try and stump me, and I would have to think quickly on my feet to find plausible answers. But there was just enough of a sparkle in their eyes that I knew they wanted it to be real and loved the pretending. 

Imaginations and dreamers are very important.

It had been several months of this game, and somewhere around Christmas time, students decided to decorate Tom for the holidays. They dressed him up as Santa Claus. 

I told them I had texted a picture of their decorations to him and that he thought it was great. New Year’s came, same thing. In February, he had flowers. St. Patty’s day, a pot of gold. Easter, bunny ears. 

There was a lot of laughter, creativity, and connection.

The end of the school year started approaching, and I sadly realized things weren’t going to work out for Tom and I long term. I had to end the relationship. It was a difficult thing to explain to the students, but we couldn’t stay together just for the kids. It was time to move on, for everyone. They were devastated.

I’m kidding, they were not devastated. They did not care at all. 

They were just ready to get out of there. They were too excited for summer. For eighth grade. Pool parties and basketball courts. Snapchat stories and Tiktok dances.

Kind of like real love sometimes, the Magic of Tom had faded. It was time for them to create Their Own Magic in the world. 

For me, I think the Magic will find me again as well. But I’ll cherish the memories, and Tom will always have a place in my heart and on our door. 

We all know Tom Hanks loves a happy ending to a love story, so I’m pretty sure he’ll find his soul mate. I heard that Rita Wilson is pretty great.

For about a year, Tom Hanks was my boyfriend. 

Here’s what happened….

I was at a bridal shower. 

If you’ve ever been to a bridal shower you know, they play the games. The terrible games. Bridal bingo, couples trivia, what’s in your purse. If the bride likes to get real crazy (or drinks a little), the toilet paper wedding dress game. 

At this party, we were playing a scratch off card game. Each card had a man’s body in a suit and then the head was covered in the scratch off stuff. When you scratched the card, you could see the face underneath. One card had the groom’s face, and if you scratched that card you were the winner. The rest of the cards showed faces of celebrities. 

People were throwing the cards away, but I took a bunch home. 

I'm a teacher. And if you have any teacher friends, then you know we are all a little crazy. Smart, creative, generous, yes. But genuinely insane. So it was not at all weird when I cut out the silhouettes of the celebrities, and I hid them in my colleagues’ classrooms at school.

Mrs. Painter, teacher across the hall, got Prince Harry and loved it. Mrs. Parker, my teacher bestie, told me I me was an idiot and threw Brad Pitt away.

And I kept Tom Hanks. 

I love Tom Hanks. Always have loved Tom Hanks. Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve got Mail. A League of Their Own. These are amazing films that, as a 90’s kid, helped shape my understanding of the world around me.

They also gave me debilitating codependency, but that’s a story for another day. 

So I put Tom in the corner of the window of my classroom door, and wondered if anyone would notice. I have lots of stuff like that around the classroom. Overlooked easter eggs, that bring me joy. I have a sticker posted on a bookshelf for the Call and Oates hotline, it’s a phone number that plays Hall and Oates songs when you call. No one has ever commented on that, and no one mentioned Tom either.

A few weeks later, I was coming back from lunch with my seventh grade students, and the key wouldn’t work to get into the room. While I was struggling to get it open, my ADHD brain had me point at Tom Hanks in the window and say to the student at the front of the line these three words: 

That’s my boyfriend.  

As a teacher I say random, stupid things all day and every day. Witty puns, movie quotes, stuff about books and grammar and, like, the curriculum or whatever. Nothing important. It usually goes unnoticed and completely ignored. I’m basically a ghost. But when I said the word boyfriend, they all heard me. The commotion spread quickly down the single file line of children. 

I figured they would see the picture, immediately know I was kidding, roll their eyes, and move on. Because he’s famous and because it printed on cardstock and cut out by hand. But they took me seriously. Or they were at least curious. 

Either way, they were not impressed. Seventh graders are mean and horrible creatures. Instead of the groans I expected in response to my bad joke, I heard, “Seriously Ms. Pearl, that guy?” Others told me he was old and gross. One girl just looked at me and said, “No.” And my favorite was a kid who said he looked like a bulldog, but I think that says a little more about the kid than Tom’s looks or age. 

While they were bullying me, and Tom, I realized something. They didn’t know him. Not one kid recognized him. I mean he has won Academy Awards, Golden Globes, Oscars, Emmys, the Presidential Medal of Freedom. But they didn’t know him, and this, to me, was pure gold. 

Immediately, it became my new passion project. I needed to see how long I could keep this going. I talked about my boyfriend, Tom, every day in class. I spread the word to the other teachers, so they could help. They would talk about him with me in the halls, just loud enough for the students to overhear. Soon kids started to ask, “Is Ms Pearl really dating that guy?” And the answer was always a resounding, yes. Of course I was.

It was official. I was in a relationship. With the guy from the door. Some guy named Tom. 

After a few weeks, a movement had begun. The goofy kids would wave at his picture as they walked past. I would hear “Hey, Tom,” followed by giggles as they came in the room. He even started showing up in the short stories the students were writing and in their projects. They loved it. And so did I.

On Veterans Day, the social studies classes were given a required video to show to their classes. Mrs. Parker, the social studies teacher and my teacher bestie, came frantically running up to me to tell me there was a problem. The real Tom Hanks was in the video. It was going to ruin the game. But she had an idea. She told the students very seriously, “Before I show this video, we need to talk. I don’t want you to be confused when you see him, but Ms. Pearl’s boyfriend is in the video. Ms. Pearl didn’t want you to know, but he is famous. He is Tom Hanks.”

Sadly, some kids stopped believing in Tom and I that day. Others became suspicious of our love. Of course, I maintained this was all very legitimate. I had been dating a movie star, and now they all knew it.

The not so secret secret is, they really never believed at all. But children want magic more than we know. More than they know. 

We all want magic. 

So we all kept playing along.

At that point, the stories became more fantastical. When the kids asked what I was doing after school, I would say Tom was going to pick me up in a helicopter on the roof of the school later that night. If they told me I looked tired, I would say Tom and I got back late from eating pizza in Italy the night before. They would say it couldn’t be true. It was a fun game to try and prove I was lying. Some of the smarter kids started googling him to try and stump me, and I would have to think quickly on my feet to find plausible answers. But there was just enough of a sparkle in their eyes that I knew they wanted it to be real and loved the pretending. 

Imaginations and dreamers are very important.

It had been several months of this game, and somewhere around Christmas time, students decided to decorate Tom for the holidays. They dressed him up as Santa Claus. 

I told them I had texted a picture of their decorations to him and that he thought it was great. New Year’s came, same thing. In February, he had flowers. St. Patty’s day, a pot of gold. Easter, bunny ears. 

There was a lot of laughter, creativity, and connection.